My name is Shelby Grace Holland, and I am an 18-year-old, year 12 student.

In 2013 (age 12), I started having intense stomach pain that nobody could find a cause for. I visited doctors for years and had many tests before they found the cause.

When I was 13, I found the self-harm Tumblr and Instagram pages and became obsessed. Towards the end of the year, I started to self-harm, and it became something like an addiction.

I developed depression at this time and anxiety from trying to hide the cuts on my legs.

I had my first relationship at the end of that year, and we both weren’t ready for it. We both were immature, didn’t know how to properly coexist together, and I was selfishly paranoid, but this did eventually cease my self harming.

For two and a half years, we both stayed in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship until he made the call in April 2017.

2017 was both my best and worst year. I met people that would go on to be some of my closest friends, I rejoined the theatre (something I hadn’t done in years), started going to church and grew closer and closer to my best friend.

My downfall came during the winter of that year when I was sexually assaulted by someone I had known for years in a place that was meant to be considered safe.

I reported this to the police but took no further action, scared that a court case would only make things worse.

I spiraled downwards during that time and took a term off of school. Rumors circulated about why I had left, which made me scared to go back to school. I eventually returned sometime during term 4.

During term 4, I was indecently assaulted by the same person, but I dealt with it better this time, not wanting to repeat the cycle of the previous term and stayed at school.

I changed schools in year 11, in a way to refresh myself and start again. I didn’t realize that my depression and anxiety had increased and formed into PTSD, which then manifested in the form of depersonalization.

During 2018 I spent a week in the mental health ward, where I was finally put on anti-depressants, and I was forced to see a psychologist (something I had refused to do beforehand).

At the end of the year, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. Which explained my mood changes (due to the extra hormones) and the pain I had been dealing with since I was younger. I had surgery at the start of this year to remove it.

Throughout the years, there have been three people who have stuck by me. My current boyfriend, who I started dating in 2018 who has helped and supported me with all his patience and love. My best friend who was there for me during everything that has happened and who has tirelessly cared for me and made sure I’m alright, and my mother who has spent all of her time, effort and money to try and make me better and has only ever done what’s right for me, even if I don’t agree with it at the time.